What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
09.06.2025 00:24
But ive been too sick for many years..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
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Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Yankees will have to find ninth-inning serenity in Luke Weaver’s absence - New York Post
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Why don't I get sleep at nights?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
What’s the best way to get over someone you love?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She was in good health!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I was scared of men, in general
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Can I see some saggy tit pics and huge areolas pics?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
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And who doesn’t know suffering?
He resisted the act ,that day.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I couldn’t, believe it.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
What do you think of Obito Uchiha?
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I was 9 years of age.
Who is Meghan Markle and why is she so controversial on the Internet?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Why do philosophy of physics when you can do physics itself? - Aeon
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
When she asked me how she looked .
My family never makes their pension either.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I have no regrets .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Who then, do I blame.?
But it wasn’t much.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I will be 64.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But, we were locked up after school.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
(And it was in our own minds.)
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
What did i know ?
It was going to be , some day.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
One cannot live in the past .
We all went to grammer schools
Comes on , in middle age.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Would this be the day?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I was very sick at this time too.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I could never make a relationship work though!
We were not on the streets..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Im still living with it.
Put me off passion for life!!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I don,t even have a pension.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I never cut or harmed myself..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Ive learnt so much.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She married twice! .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I waited trembling.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She found it foreign!.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
So whats the point in blame.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He knew the spot.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I think the readers, may guess!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
This is soul school!.
All the time i was locked up.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She loved him until the end.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Was to survive, this bastard.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
My life is so biszare .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She wouldn,t have been !
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I was seconnd youngest,
Especially a lifetime of it.
I said to her
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
And i lived it daily.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I write beautiful poetry .
So, i spoilt her more .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Why did i forgive my father ?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.